Helpful Tips & Resources for Parents

Our teens’ senior year of high school is so filled with college entrance tasks that it’s easy to lose focus on the character traits and life skills they will need to succeed “on their own”. They are about to enter adulthood, 也就是说我们要释放他们让他们对自己的生活负责. Release means trust, not control. We must trust God and trust our kids. 在这个时候，为这种转变做好心理准备是很重要的.

What are the characteristics of the responsible adult who will smoothly transition into university life? 戴夫·维尔曼在《博彩平台网址大全》一书中说，负责任的成年人:

• Make carefully considered decisions
• Follow a moral compass
• Take responsibility for their actions
• Show consideration for others
• Help those in need
• Speak and live the truth
• Pay their own way
• Invest their resources wisely
• 谨守所托付给他们的
• Live in the present with an eye on the future

如果我们回顾一下这个列表，并发现我们青少年的一些成长领域, 在这最后的几个月里，在他们展开翅膀之前，我们可以做很多事情. 然而，为了灌输技能，您必须首先对它们建模. For example, a great project to help you and your child grow is to memorize scripture together. God’s Word is clear about the power of this practice (Psalm 118:11; 2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 4:12). To complete this project, you need to show by example how it is done first and then have them do the task with you while you coach and encourage. 最后，你可以把这个项目和其他项目完全交给他们，肯定他们的成功.

There are some caveats we must remember as we prepare our child for independence: it is important to acknowledge all the emotions we are experiencing as this transition takes place and it is also a good idea to share our feelings with them. However, we have to be careful to balance our sharing of sadness and fear with the sharing of our joy, excitement, and trust in God. 我们必须小心不要把我们对孩子的梦想变成负担. 神对他们生命的计划可能和我们所想的不一样. 大学是一个磨练甚至发现自己才能的神奇过程, gifts, abilities, and potential, 因此，如果我们想以一种健康的方式促进这一进程，我们就必须保持开放的心态.

Time passes so quickly. 作为父母，我们有时觉得自己似乎还没有准备好迎接这一飞跃.

We cannot stress enough how important our faith in God and our trust in His faithfulness is to this process. 花点时间回顾和回忆你和孩子生活中的奇迹! Remember God’s guidance, comfort, leading, 以及伴随着养育子女的起起落落而来的保证.

This should produce the gratitude and joy that makes a perfect launching pad for your child as they join the PBA Sailfish family!

Recognize that conflicting feelings about your child’s leaving home are normal. 对许多家庭来说，分离的过程是艰难的. It is normal, too, to look forward to the relative peace and quiet of having your active older adolescent out of the house and having the place to yourself, 或者能够花时间和年幼的孩子在一起.

Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions surface. 假装不难过是没有什么好处的, guilty, relieved, 或担心当你的孩子准备上大学. You probably aren’t fooling anyone by trying to hide your reactions; a healthier approach is to talk about them, with your family, friends, 教会或任何能支持你的人.

Make “overall wellness” a goal for yourself. Especially during stressful times, it helps to get enough sleep, 经常吃健康的食物，进行适当的锻炼. Spending some recharging time-doing the special things that you especially like-is another step toward wellness. If you are feeling good, 你更有可能有精力去帮助你的孩子，成为一个好的榜样.

Remember that, for your child, 上大学是迈向成年的重要一步. Going to college represents the culmination of the teaching and learning of 18 years or more. This is the time when your hard work will show itself in the form of a framework that your first-year student will use in beginning to make independent choices. Many parents find that it helps to focus on the fact that providing your child with this opportunity is a priceless gift. Be proud of yourself!

Find a new creative outlet for yourself. Especially parents whose last or only child has moved away to college find that taking on a new challenge is an excellent way to manage and channel their energy and feelings. Have you ever wanted to write a book? Learn to fly fish? Make a quilt? Volunteer in your community? Assume a new project or responsibility at work. Travel? Get your own bicycle and ride all over town? 把你在孩子成长过程中打算做的事情列一张清单, but never had the time to do. Now is your chance!

It’s hard to predict what the last day of Welcome Week will look like. 一些学生迫不及待地要开始他们的新生活, leaving their parents feeling confident. 其他学生则在与分离的想法作斗争, 常常因为不表达自己的感受而使事情复杂化. They may appear irritable and sullen, but what is often happening is a struggle to embrace their new surroundings and let go of the familiar.

欢迎周期间有很多活动让每个人都忙个不停, 但告别的时刻很快就会到来. How do we make the best of these last moments?

在这个释放的时刻，最重要的目的之一是传递我们的祝福. 我们的祝福让学生们知道我们接受他们，爱他们, just as they are; that they are special to us in their own unique way, 我们对上帝为他们预备的未来充满信心.

这不是专注于改变或培养特定行为的时候. Instead, it is a time to acknowledge what is on the inside: character, values, and life direction.

一个很好的资源可以用来规划具体的方法来实现这一点，那就是书， “The Blessing” by John Trent and Gary Smalley (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1986). 他们教我们如何通过“有意义的触摸”来表达我们的祝福, Spoken Words, High-Value Messages, 特别未来的愿景和积极的承诺. ” Our blessing should involve all five elements.

我们的学生在告别的时刻最需要的是肯定, 尤其是当他们展望未知的未来时. Our sincere and honest affirmation of who they are goes a long way toward setting them up for a successful transition.

We should tell them of our approval, say how proud we are, reassure them of our love, 分享我们对他们人生方向的希望和信心. 对我们中的一些人来说，用语言表达这些事情是很困难的, so feel free to communicate them in writing. 这样做的一个好方法是在你离开之前给他们一张特别的卡片让他们阅读. You can even tuck away little postcard blessings or note cards in their belongings as you help them unpack. You never know if they will come across these messages at a time when they really need encouragement.

Some parents have just come through rough waters with their students and this process may be difficult. 然而，考虑你的学生拥有的每一个积极的、好的品质，并以此为基础. I cannot stress enough how important this act is. It is very meaningful for us as parents and for our students and may even be a turning point in your relationship.

Some specific ways to make the day memorable:

Note: Remember, personal counseling is available to your student if he or she continues to emotionally struggle with the separation from home and with college life.

当然，你仍然是一个家长，你的孩子仍然需要你的支持和指导. 这里有一些你可以表达你的关心和提高你的孩子在PBA的经验的方法.

Stay in touch! 即使你的孩子正在尝试独立的选择, he or she still needs to know that you’re there and are available to talk over both normal events and difficult issues. Make arrangements prior to each school year, in agreement with your child, to write, e-mail or call at certain agreed-upon times.

Allow space 让你的大学生为你的一些对话和互动设定议程. It can even be normal and developmentally appropriate for some college students to want little contact with their parents. Some students choose their most important relationships to be with peers and/or significant faculty. This is an important part of gaining personal identity and autonomy and can assist the college student in being able to relate to you.

Be realistic 和你的大学生讨论财务问题. 大多数学生来学校时都有一个相当详细的学费计划, fees, books, and room and board will be paid for, 以及家庭对花钱的期望. 一开始就说清楚可能有助于避免以后的误解.

Be supportive of academic achievement and grades. PBA旨在吸引来自世界各地的优秀学生, and not every first-year student who excelled academically in high school will be an all-A student. Developing or refining the capacity to work independently and consistently and to demonstrate mastery can be more important than grades, 只要你的学生符合PBA规定的基本学术要求.

如果你的孩子在PBA遇到困难, 鼓励学生充分利用丰富的资源. Our Student Success Center is a one-stop destination for most student issues including academic, career and counseling needs. Our campus pastor, or the Health and Wellness Center 也可能是合适的地方建议你的学生.